The over thinking the constant racing the restlessness of my mind. I close my eyes to sleep but it keeps spinning faster than top non stop. Deep within the subconscious there is a war within battling stress, sadness and anger. The storm that never ends. I long for the calm and stillness like the deep sea on a clear day. Sun shining down its warmth and comfort. A cool breeze just flowing. Sitting on the sand admiring the horizon. One day I will know that feeling…
“You never miss the water till it’s gone” the saying goes.. When I was around you didn’t care or love me. I was never a priority. I’ve since moved on and years later here you are still trying to come back into my life like nothing was ever wrong. I left because my heart could no longer take the pain. The strain on my brain was completely insane. My soul on fire from the hell that you gave. Why would I want to go back to this again?! Leaving you made my life better. My mind more clearer than any stormy weather. My heart no longer in cardiac arrest. My soul finally gets to rest. Now your mad because your life fell apart because you realize that you never made me a part of your heart. You let me go long before I left. And now I must be the best of me.
“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.” Buddha
Waves of thoughts wash over my mind like a megatsunami. Good thoughts bad thoughts all thoughts keeps me awake at night and distracted during the day. Peace of mind does not exist in my world. Longing for stillness of my mind just like the tranquility of the ocean on a non breezy day. Wide awake or asleep I know my thoughts can not be silenced. Tsunami after tsunami of thoughts plague my brain when all I want is to feel the serenity like warm sunshine on my skin. The soothing feeling I get when I’m floating in the water looking at the calm blue sky at beach. How much my heart aches for this and my soul waiting. But until I find the peace within me my mind will continue to roam…
The swells of affliction that washes over me
the thoughts of the past that plagues me
I cringe at the thoughts as my heart falls apart
The past was so long ago but I still feel it as it were yesterday
Submerged in the depths of my mind but now at the forefront
Thoughts that keep my mind captive for a time
I keep wondering why I keep having these thoughts of you
and then I realize the denial Ive been having for years
no matter how much I tried to not to
How can I ? I used to love you so much
but i can’t deny any longer the feeling is too strong … I Loathe You….